JUST KIDDING [A Manic Patient's Prayer]

Lord, help me to relax about insignificant details, beginning tomorrow at 7:41:23 a.m. EST. God, help me to consider people's feelings, even if most of them ARE hypersensitive.

God, help me to take responsibility for my own actions, even though they are usually NOT my fault. God, help me not to try to RUN everything, but if You need some help, please feel free to ASK ME! Lord, help me to be more laid back, and help me to do it EXACTLY RIGHT.
Dear God, please help me to take things more seriously, especially laughter, parties and dancing. God, give me patience, and I mean NOW! Lord, help me not be a perfectionist. (Did I write that correctly?) God, help me to finish everything that I sta. . . Amen

Coping In a Hostile Environment

“Do unto others what you want them to do to you”…this is the golden rule.

In life we must learn the art of relating with people in order to be truly successful yet if you have been around for a while you will agree that this is easier said than done simply because of our diversity.

Look again around your environment and you will find that this diversity can be likened to the kind you find in an animal kingdom but somehow the animals find a way to cope with each other and so we must learn to cope with each other as well and succeed against all odds.

The “Insect” People

These people are subtly irritating and get on your nerves though usually appearing innocent and harmless to observers. They offend you in a way that is constant and usually below the radar. Their stinging words buzz in your ears like the annoying buzzing of a male mosquito; not stinging or biting just buzzing endlessly! Sometimes with them your crime is just being alive or successful at the things you do.

They can even seek you out just to tell you their opinion of you or your success and their opinion usually stings so deep it breaks your heart. To an observer who is not paying close attention or walking in your shoes, the actions of the “insect” might go unnoticed but your own reactions will continually be glaring as you wave frantically and complain of the unwelcome attention of the “insect”. When you eventually explode from pent up frustration, it always seems out of proportion to the current offense and observers always wonder what is wrong with you and never the “insect person”

How to Deal with them

The only language insects understand is BARRIERS! Such as nets, clothing etc And since we are actually talking human “insects” here, my advice is not to necessarily blow up the bridge that connects you to them but just make sure you mount enough sentries on the bridge.

Don’t build walls and hide simply to avoid them else you’ll just keep hiding forever and they will relentlessly make it their mission to seek you out but just put up a gate and make sure they state their mission before they get past the security guard.

Forgive them when they offend you but understand that they are what they are- insects! That is the best way they know to be and they may not be hurting you on purpose so reduce the emotional stress on yourself by just placing necessary boundaries.

The “Crab” People

I once heard that a sure way of making a captured crab stay in the basket is to fill that basket with other crabs and that way they will prevent each other from escaping. Simply put, crabs pull others down. They back stab, spread rumors and do all in their power to keep you down. You don’t readily detect them at first because on the outside they look like you, sound like you and seem genuinely interested in your progress until you start talking about getting out of the basket and worse still, before them.

How to Deal with them

It takes a crab to pull a crab down, so don’t be another crab. Your statement should be no defense, no attack just stay focused on getting out of the basket. As you stay focused you start changing and he/she sees that you are no longer the same crab they used to know. They lose interest and let you go while they go find another crab to keep down. So stay focused!

The “Bat” People

They love and choose to perpetually stay in the dark! These people are negative and pessimistic; they boastfully tell you- It cannot be done! They don’t necessarily work to actively pull you down like the crabs but just keep telling you- it can’t be done! It’s not your type! It’s not for you! You can’t make it! Etc. Sometimes they genuinely mean well but you notice the more you hang around them the dimmer your light of hope becomes. Staying around them too long may even quench all your light of hope and make you abandon your dreams because you start thinking they are correct and your dreams are too good for little you.

How to Deal with them

Bats shy away from light, at least so I gather from adventure-packed movies. So don’t let them overwhelm you with their pessimism, let your light (faith and positive attitude) so shine brightly that it dispels their darkness. If your fire is going out, you may need help from someone else who is also carrying a lamp (another positive person) so sometimes to get free from the bat, you may even need to change the environment completely. So don’t let that dream die, keep the fire burning!

The “Porcupine” People

I’m hoping you already know them; these people are already upset with life generally (due to no fault of yours) they may look perfect on the outside, but have so much hurt sticking out of them like the needle spikes of a porcupine – the spikes grow from inside to outside. So whether they reach out to you in a hug or you reach out to them with a hug, YOU will always get hurt and painfully so as they transfer their personal daily pains to you.

The porcupine was built to coil up as a defense mechanism and hurting others is far more a defense mechanism than an attack strategy. That’s just the way they are - whether attacking or defending, they will still hurt you.

How to Deal with them

Two things come to my mind…patience and space! A porcupine usually brings out it’s spike when it senses a threat whether real or apparent. Don’t build barriers just go along with them at their pace but keep your distance, walk by their side so they don’t hurt you. However, if you must walk very closely with them, then deal with them from a place of understanding; get a clothing line fashionably made out of steel. Protect yourself from head to foot and enjoy your lessons in needlework.

The Beast People (a.k.a Swine)

Arrogant and generally unpleasant to have around; they seem to be all the other animals rolled into one. They irritate, they are subtle, they tear you down, they play dirty, they are negative, and they hurt. Worst of all-they are intentional! Loving every moment of their rotten nature and the freedom they have to do their dirty stuff. Every new level of rottenness is a cheerful, happy and pleasant adventure to them. They get the idea to jump into a pool of mud and they just do it because they know they can and nobody will stop them. So they take a big jump into the mud and get your beautiful, precious outfit messed up in the process and guess what – They don’t care that your feelings were hurt. In fact most times they don’t even notice. They are just happy that they succeeded at discovering a new level of rotten mud to play in and they did it- dirt is their nature and they are happy to play dirty.

How to Deal with them

One simple statement…don’t trust a swine! Hating him or her is a waste of time. Bring out your entire defense line. Be discrete around them, mount a battalion of sentries on the bridge, stay focused, keep hope alive, keep your distance, put on your armor in understanding and be very prayerful for them and yourself but I repeat, never ever trust them even in the most harmless looking situations not to mention precious things.

The plan is not for you to isolate yourself from people and start analyzing everyone in your life till you have a nervous breakdown. Rather the idea is to understand the different types of people around you and then know how best to get along with them.

Even the good book teaches that Jesus got along well with everybody but he treated all of them differently and showed them love against all odds. How did He do it? The answer is simple- He understood the human nature and dealt with them from a place of understanding.

I hope this article empowers you and helps you rise above whatever dilemma you might face in relating with someone in your today or in your future.

“Everything that Irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves” – Carl Gustav Jung

What to do if your loved one is burdened with a mental illness

 For as long as I remember my mum has been ill. She will often get into fights with neighbours accusing them of having evil intentions towards her. She was not the kind of mum anyone would dream of…she was unpredictable and sometimes she was out rightly frightening. We couldn’t bring our friends home for fear of being embarrassed. At first, I felt shame, and then I felt so angry at her and blamed her for her state. When I became older I was often hostile towards her. 

Despite her struggle with the illness I could see that she loved us and she often regretted her inability to be the mum we wanted her to be.
Funke- Lagos, Nigeria.

No doubt when someone is mentally ill it also affects those around them and often drains their loved ones emotionally. These loved ones struggle with issues like stigma, fear of coming down with the illness, anxiety arising from anticipating being embarrassed by the one that is ill and frustration having to pay extra attention attending to some of the needs of the ones that are mentally ill.

I have noticed that too many times, particularly in the country where I practice, the coping styles adopted to deal with the stress of having a loved one who is mentally ill are not healthy and usually increase the risk of an emotional breakdown in these loved ones and possibly worsen the condition of the one who is ill.

I sincerely appreciate the burden of having a love one suffer from a mental illness and I know it may not be easy coping with them but here are some tips to help cope and reduce the burden…

1. Be informed about the illness
Most times people just want them treated and don’t want to be informed about it. It is advisable to equip oneself with the nature of the illness especially in this age when that can  easily be done. Try and find out what type of mental illness (the diagnosis), the features (the symptoms) of the illness, what turns it on and what treatment is available for the condition. It is also wise to find out the course of the illness: in some mental illness, when the individual is stable there is very little or no evidence that the individual had been ill like in Bipolar disorder whereas in some other condition, like schizophrenia, even when the individual is no longer actively ill there are traces of behaviour that gives them away that they suffer from a mental illness. Trust me, being informed improves ones capacity to appropriately cope with those who are mentally ill.

2. Avoid blaming anyone
On very few occasions, there is a clear cut cause of the illness but often it is due to the interplay of multiple risk factors. We may readily blame a drug abuse habit but there are those who have similar habits but never had a mental breakdown. Now, I’m not endorsing drug abuse but I’m only saying don’t be too quick to philosophize a cause and apportion blame. Looking for someone or something to blame sometimes robs one of taking responsibility to carry out the next appropriate step.

3. Be supportive
Now before you jump and say I already know and do that, there two major areas where I would want to advice you to show your support

·   Learn how best to communicate with them. This could be a very difficult task depending on the nature of the mental illness but remember this that the most important tool in communicating with anyone-whether mentally ill or not- is respect; treat them the way you will like to be treated.

Avoid being HOSTILE, OVERLY INVOLVED WITH THEM EMOTIONALLY (like being in their face all the time) and OVER CRITICIZING them…these attitudes could actually lead to a relapse or re- occurrence of the mental illness.

For more details on how to communicate with them, you can read up “Tips on communicating with a mentally ill person” by Brigite Boulard.

·      Help them out with complying with treatment. This entails compliance with follow-up appointments and medications. You may often have to be firm but not hostile. Learn to encourage not threaten. Have you ever failed completing your medication that you were suppose to take for just a week or two may be for malaria or the flu or some infection of some sort? Then imagine taking medication daily for many years…like we say in Nigeria…e no easy!

4. Find support for yourself

I could say there are two sources of support and it is advisable to use both, they are

· Professional support. This could be offered by any member of the health team. You could be educated about things that could put you at risk of coming down with a similar illness.

· Non professional. This could be from a religious group or someone (or a group of people) with similar challenges.

Whatever you do, don’t try to act out "Small ville”; trying to be a super man or woman and keep everything to yourself. We all need someone to talk to; it will help lessen the burden.

Remember, people with mental illness can live more productive lives, talk to a professional today.

Mental Health Defined

It is the successful performance of mental functions, in terms of thought, emotion, and behavior that results in productive activities, fulfilling relationships with others, and the ability to adapt to change and cope with adversity.

Mental Health: A report of the Surgeon General

What is it about 3rd mainland bridge?

Just yesterday a man called in to one of my favourite radio shows saying that he had to stop on third mainland bridge to stop a  young man in his early twenties from jumping into the sea.


His problem...things are tough in the country!


This caller was informed by a bike man that about 4 days ago another young man had jumped in.


The annoying part was that I then  remembered that someone else had told me how he left Benin in Edo state and travelled all the way to Lagos with the intention of jumping off the same bridge when he was severely depressed.


He actually made the journey, got to the bridge but by some divine intervention...he didn't do it.


 I just wondered to myself if it wouldn't have been more cost effective to just find some other bridge in Benin to carry out this act...just kidding o.

Any way, let's not wave it aside, get informed.


Suicide used to be said to be a white man's problem.


In the next few days I'll be talking about depression and how to handle it.

This article was first published on my  blog www.kconxepts.blogspot.com on April 15, 2009.

SCHIZOPHRENIA....understanding and dealing with it

 

It all started 10 years ago(at least that was when we noticed) when my mum had informed my brother and I (we were in secondary school)that we were not going to school that day because she had realized that she was being monitored by ‘certain’ people and now they wanted to get at her through us. Then we noticed she became very withdrawn and would often not go to work. We later got reports from her office that even while at work she would lock herself in the office and would not pick up calls even from her secretary. Her ideas of life and the people around her had become so weird that even when we tried to make her see reason with us it was as futile as trying to drain an ocean by fetching from it with a teaspoon…

Dorothy, Delta. Nigeria

The lady above has a mental health problem called schizophrenia. About 1% of most populations is said to suffer from this condition. It is a common case seen in most psychiatric institutions. It is a brain disorder which can affect how the individual thinks, feels and acts. The rate of occurrence is same in both sexes.

WHAT CAUSES IT?

It is a complex and puzzling disease hence the actual cause is not yet known rather it is said to be the result of multiple interacting factors. Some of the implicated factors include genetics (hereditary), imbalance in certain chemicals in the brain which are responsible for the transfer of messages in the brain, and also various environmental factors which range from events during pregnancy, delivery, stressful events in childhood to stressful events in adolescence and adulthood. Smoking marijuana also puts one at risk of developing the illness.

Some misconceptions about this condition that I would like to clarify with regard to the cause is that schizophrenia is NOT same as ‘split’ personality or ‘multiple’ personality (as I have found out to be the popular assumption of many and this is partly why I wrote this article) neither is it caused by bad parenting or due to weakness in the affected individuals personality.

SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS (HOW TO RECOGNIZE IT)

Symptoms may first appear between the ages of 15 and 35 even though it could occur earlier or later and this has been observed to often appear earlier in males than females. The appearance of symptoms varies from person to person; symptoms may develop slowly over months or years, or may appear very abruptly. In the early phase of the illness they isolate themselves, start neglecting their appearance, say peculiar things, and show a general indifference to life. They may abandon hobbies and activities, and their performance at work or school deteriorates. They may also be noticed to be sleeping poorly.

The person suffering from schizophrenia may experience one or all of the following symptoms:

§  Delusions -- false ideas that are strongly held unto despite contrary evidence. For example, individuals may believe that someone is spying on him or her, or that they are someone famous. They may believe that someone or some people want to harm them.

§  Hallucinations -- imaginary voices which give commands or comment on the thoughts or actions of the individual. It could just also be a disturbing sound or the person may think he or she sees, feels, tastes, or smells something which really doesn't exist.

§  Disordered thinking -- moving from one topic to another, but making no sense. Individuals may even make up their own words or sounds.

§  Oddity of behaviour—the person is withdrawn, mute, may neglect personal hygiene, talk and laugh with self or often assume very unusual postures.

There are variations in the pattern of presentation. The impact on the social functioning of the affected individual varies from minimal to severe. Some people may experience symptoms only a few times in their life while others may need to manage their symptoms through medication and self-care. The worst form of the disorder can make it difficult for a person to tell the difference between real and imagined experiences, to think logically, to express normal emotional responses or to behave normally in social situations.

HELP TIPS FOR THOSE WITH THE ILLNESS AND THEIR LOVED ONES

In the past it was said that only about a third of people with the illness recover fully while another third do not respond at all to treatment. The remaining third are in between, that is, they get better following treatment but they still have residual symptoms which give them away that they are not completely mentally healthy or stable.

In more recent times studies have shown that only less than 20% of those with the illness show no response or significant improvement following treatment. Schizophrenia usually runs a persistent course and like other persistent medical conditions such as hypertension and diabetes, the medications only control and not cure the illness hence the need to take the medication persistently even when the individual is mentally stable thus preventing a reoccurrence of the illness.

The burden of the illness could be remarkable both on the ones with the illness and their loved ones; family members, colleagues and friends. However the following steps could help

1.  Educate yourself about the illness

2.  Learn to communicate better with those who are burdened with the illness; keep it brief and straight forward, don’t argue with one who has a strongly held false belief (its part of the illness and it could make him or her irritable and then aggressive).

3. Set realistic expectations for them in view of the limitations placed on them by the illness. Help them set goals and assist them achieve it while being patient with their pace. Avoid criticism.

4. Encourage independence by creating a structured and supportive environment this will improve self care and self confidence.

5. Encourage them to take their medications.

6. Find support for yourself and possibly be in contact with medical personnel who can come in handy during the crisis period of the illness.

Just like any other disease, early detection and appropriate intervention of this illness goes a long way to improve the general outcome of treatment and invariably, the quality of life those with the illness will eventually enjoy. 

You can check out this link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=nAzu6yQ3OEY